Saturday before TMS

Here I sit on Sat Evening, it's a beautiful 78 degrees outside, windows are open throughout the house. This is the first time I have had a chance to air out the house since I quit smoking 3 and a half months ago.  I love that I quit finally, but could the diabetes held off a little longer. I am feeling a little sorry for myself and a little bit picked on by God. I rarely drink, I have never tried illegal drugs, I got rid of my smoking by choice and Coke was my only vice I had left.  I have to be honest, I am actually in the middle of having a bit of Coke right now, but still.

OK, I have done enough whining and need to be glass half full!  I am only 2 days ways from starting what I hope to be the most remarkable scientific advancement in mental health, I am talking about TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Thearpy,  https://www.meaningfulmedicine.org/tms  and http://neurostar.com/nondrug-treatment-for-depression/neurostar-transcranial-magnetic-stimulation-therapy/)

I have lived with my depression for more than 20 years, and have had 3 major breakdowns, with the most recent having been not long after I started using Chantix to assist me in quitting smoking. The thing is I can't really remember when I had a first "breakdown" or "Outburst".  The earliest memory I have that is really clear, is hearing someone yelling "the car was going to blow". That was a warm evening in Aug 1985. I had just come back from CA and was ready for some time out with my friends, we were going bowling, if I remember right. I was driving and everything went black, except for a very bright white light in the shape of broken glass. Then the yelling start, and everything was really hazy from there. I know someone keep trying to wake me up or kept saying my name, but I really don't remember much, all I wanted to do was sleep or keep my eyes shut, especially since both eyes had something in them, later it turned out to be glass from the windshield of the car. I remember being told I was in the ambulance and that we were going to the hospital, but I don't remember the ride there. I do not remember much at the hospital, except having to have the glass flushed out of my eyes and picked off my face. I don't even remember being sent home that night.

At some point during the night or in the early morning, I know I was taken from my bed and returned to the hospital, and I know I was later told it was because i would not wake up when I was needed to be. I was kept at the hospital, but again, there is so little that will come back to me. If anyone out there has more details, please throw them out there for me.

Well that is all for tonight, I hope you all have an amazing Sunday, and the entry should be Monday after my first TMS treatment with Dr Boz!